Squaring The Circle

Look at this page, try and see the letters as shapes that you cannot recognise, picture them all mixed up in contradiction like a strange set of geometric shapes, this may seem an unusual request though I hope it is one that you can empathize with for this is exactly what happened to me a few months ago and unfortunately the Doctors tell me the conditioning is worsening!

My name is Professor Collin Whitmore I am a teacher in the science of Geometry at a renowned Boys University dating back to the early Seventeenth Century, until recently I had been staying in a rented semi-detached “For reasons that will become clear” however after coming over giddy and only being able to see out of my left eye my right side suddenly blinded for a few moments, I fell down the stairs and must have hit my head. My neighbour who coincidently works in the University over the school holidays as a Caretaker became worried when I did not turn up for our usual pub discussion and knowing of my condition called the Police who broke in and took me to hospital where I was told that my rare neurological condition was worsening and that I would need to seek medical help and could no longer teach on the subject of Geometry.

The relevance of this introductory narration is to explain to you events that have continued to unfold and how I have and hope to continue to deal with them, First of all my friend who is single after his wife died seven years ago usually found it difficult to visit his Daughter and her husband in New York to see his Grandchildren, A boy and a Girl both aged seven, however due to my condition and my house being unacceptable and what with me being a trusted scholar even among the boys “Which with this lot is no easy feat to pull off” I was given the somewhat surreal task of acting as stand-in Caretaker whilst he was away, “Our University although having upper floors for various educational purposes was also in it’s own way semi-detached, It had a series of houses that you could walk across to in a very short amount of time and since there were no items in the way during the holiday “Especially excited boys talking of various interests such as books, films and how we were doing at cricket” it was easy for me to get too!

First there was the Headmaster’s Study a small Victorian looking room with a brown oaken-door of Dickensian Origin, this was directly opposite the main school. to the right in the distance where you had to cross over fresh cut grass mindful of the flowers and the huge tree that God had decided to put there for us to admire was the Chapel where we said our prayers every morning and attended Sunday Mass, at the moment it is being given a new coat of paint so our vicar is also on holiday with his wife although I have the full set of keys so I can talk to God although I know I can do this anywhere.

The main school consists on the first floor of the boys’ dormitory for first year Students there is also one on the second floor for second years and also on the other side for third years, the third floor is for fourth years and those about to leave to face the world so to speak!

One of my former Pupils who had become a renowned Doctor in the science of Neurological Brain disorder and had written a book on the subject to wide acclaim had read of my unfortunate plight for some reason and sort to contact me to see if he could help, “He done this before the school broke up for recess and inquired how he could make contact with me “Since we had not seen each other after he left and obviously there would have been no reason to give anyone my home phone number or that of my mobile phone, however because I still attended reunions “For the food and the company, “You can your choice what one you think is more important” they were able to contact him and give him my number.

So now I am sitting at a computer screen looking at a Geometric set of problems whilst I wait for him to arrive, Imagine or drawer if you can, Two Squares next to each other yet a short distance apart, “This is the same problem duplicated you understand” now on each square place a smaller square then on the right side a thin rectangle just below the large square, then one on the left and two just below adjacent to where the first two are!

Now put four very small rectangles next to the large ones connected, now in the distance compute a large box of rectangular origin and try to fit the shapes neatly into the huge box, “This problem had somewhat baffled me at first almost as much as my ongoing medical condition and yet it was a problem ironically I felt I could not share with anyone, not even as a test for the boys of my classroom “Even though I am at the moment in no fit state to teach and have little hope of my condition replenishing itself”

I had been given an alarm to call should anything occur and it was attached to the school telephone system, it sounded in the computer room where I am, this being the teaching room used to mark exams so to speak “The boys room directly opposite” I picked up the phone and inquired politely:

Hello, who is this please, May I be of help?

Professor Whitmore it’s Peter Elmore, Well Dr Elmore now actually, I’m outside the school entrance in my car shall I park in the driveway and come visit you as we agreed so we can discuss your condition over lunch”

Yes of course, could you give me a few moments by making yourself comfortable in your dormitory room you can unpack your belongings I’ll join you in a few minutes I’m just going over a slight Geometry situation”

You still do them!?!

Yes it helps me to concentrate, more now by intuition than sight, however hopefully we can soon rectify that, Er, I’ve already opened the main doors in anticipation of your arrival so I’ll see you in five minutes as agreed!

I replaced the phone and turned off the computer, then I made my way into the first form boys Dining Hall where I was preparing a moderate three course meal complete with wine and water or orange juice acting as soft drinks, The table cloth had been laid so to speak and the table set, The tables are in rows of two and usually four were seated at the table though this time it would only be the two of us.

I decided to go and greet him, after we had shaken hands he smiled and said, I remember this, my first year bed I always thought I’d grow too big for it though now I realize all beds in the University are of the same length, Do you think it was a Geometry Teacher like yourself who came up with this solution? He inquired.

No, I replied, I think it was more to do with the fact they came as a wholesale and it saved money!

Mmn, Hooray for Math’s and Finance! He Stated.

Not your best subject math’s if I recall according to old Mr.Hainsworth who is no longer with us having died at seventy six!

He died?

“Yes, I’m afraid so”

Well he was always firm but fair so when you see his family at the next reunion tell them I send my condolences, even though he did give me six of the best for copying old swatty’s work!

He’s an Actor now, got a part playing an English Professor in the States in a comedy series!

Well there’s a lot I don’t know! He exclaimed, maybe you can enlighten me over our meal and I can do the same in your case!

I hope so,” I said, I see you’ve already put your stuff in your locker if you would be so kind as to follow me!

I must have walked with unintentional caution for he inquired with concern if I was alright, especially when I seemed to somewhat veer as if a drunk trying to maintain his balance, He placed his hand on my shoulder as we reached the Dining Hall as if he fearing I would do myself damage, I did not turn though smiled and said, “Thank you”, Then I allowed him to enter and he stared nostalgically at the table I had set!

Ah, my usual place has been set! He announced going over and sitting down.

Yes, I replied though I’m afraid you and your chums cannot plot any mischief you have a former teacher and learned Professor with you!

Soon to be reinstated and rightly so! He announced smiling as I made my way to the Dinner Counter where staff served out the food.

I tripped knocking one of the chairs and he arose to assist, I indicated with my hand palm up that I was alright, “They just forgot to put it back in!

Did you see it? He announced, I don’t mean to sound offensive however-“

I haven’t been concentrating very much due to ongoing events, my neurological condition for one!

He waited till I was at the Dinner Counter; there was also an oven and whatever you would have in the school Dinner Hall this one being of huge proportion since it had to sit over three hundred boys in total. Then he stated:

And are you equally concerned about your divorce proceedings?

I paused like a boy asked a difficult question before a teacher, the kind I liked to inquire, now it seems the matter had turned, none the less I did respond by saying:

“I received a letter last week from her Solicitor he claims she wants me to increase financial support, even though she’s supposed to be living with a chap who is something in the city!

“Fraudster probably, he replied though most of them are, still I do know some nice ones, if it isn’t asking too much can I see the letter later, just out of curiosity!

“Yes of course”

I had placed a Menu on the table the school had Menus with choices though this was to be a set Menu because of my condition and it thus stated:

Watercress and Lime Soup with Mussels

Marsanne Wine

Rack of Lamb in a Port and Redcurrant Sauce

Served with Minted Roast Potatoes and Seasoned Asparagus

Merlot

Chocolate Sponge Pudding with summer fruits and fresh Custard

Sancerre Rouge

Selection of English and European Cheeses

“Excellent” he announced as I checked the soup I had simmering and made my way to join him at the table to discuss matters for a moment. I sat down opposite him and he studied me a moment before stating:

Could you give me a brief definition of how your problem affects you?

Well it’s sort of like one side of my brain will not show me things or if it does it’s kind of out of focus so if I was to drawer a triangle I may only see half of it or I may see it all though at the wrong distance so if I drawer say another shape next to it it may actually be too far away or too near, Do you understand what I mean?

I do, “And does this always occur?

Not all the time, some days are better than others!

Is it a bit like something out of Dr Oliver Sacks book:

The Man Who Mistook His Wife For An Hat

Well in some ways I suppose so, Dr Sacks was a Musician and found it hard to recognise items around him and tried to put his wife’ head on whilst still attached to her believing it to be an hat, hence the book title, mine is more to do with seeing things out of distance or distorted if made to concentrate the picture begins to break up as if a false reality in some film where the man realizes he’s been abducted by Aliens although he thought he was still at home!

Very inventive, do you mind if I try an experiment?

So long as you don’t blow up the school! I smiled.

No nothing so drastic, “This time” he smiled riley and produced a set of keys from his coat pocket, Look directly at the keys and try to keep them in sight!

I did so, first it was easy because he moved the keys slow, then they got quicker and now it appeared his hand was floating away from his arm as if it had been cut off using a sword and taken on a ghostly existence, although that was mild compared to the sight of the top half of his head separated so it was to the right of his floating hand along with his eyes and nose whilst his remaining half including his mouth stayed with the rest of his body and could be seen indulging me in inquisitive discussion.

Can you describe to me what you see if anything? He inquired.

I did, he looked at me somewhat fascinated then inquired if the condition was still occurring?

Slowly his face was going back insitu I then told him it was back the way it should be!

I understand why you did the experiment; I announced knowingly, If you move a object quickly it becomes a blur, you can see two hands or more than one object, though it stops quickly, because of my brain disorder and the fall I had making it worse, the picture stays where it should not because my brain becomes stuck in focus for a few moments before reverting back to join the rest of my brain that remains properly focused on the object in question!

There was a pause as he took out a notepad and pen and began to write something down; I politely excused myself to prepare the first course!

We ate silently in a mixture of etiquette and respect and drank two glasses of Marsanne then when we had finished he inquired politely, “Tell me about your divorce I need to know how it affects your stress level plus of course I’m very inquisitive!

Then you haven’t changed much! I replied, and began to explain to him that when my condition began to occur my wife whom had been faithful until then became more concerned for her own hedonistic needs than my ongoing neurological disorder, realising I was of dubious work status she began an affair with a man in the city whom she met during her work there as a Business Recruitment Officer, Of course looks and money came into it, I mean he is twelve years younger and does earn three times as much!

“Doesn’t it always?! He announced, So what did your lawyer say has he come up with any defence, I mean last time she did get the house that is the main reason you had to move to that semi-detached and why you had that fall;

Well the house was in her name! I replied, It was a present from her Father, both her Parents died six years ago mine have gone also, I suppose they would have been surprised to see us divorcing, we got on quite well before my condition began to occur!

If she loved you she would have stood by you! He smiled as if trying soften the blow.

Well, it’s done now; I suppose the logical thing is to get on with it but emotion and hindsight are usually more comforting!

Whilst he mused philosophically I went to get the second course first I allowed the lamb to rest for a period of ten minutes, “We talked of school days and people we had known in amiable terms, whilst I reduced the sauce before adding the freshly prepared redcurrants removed from their stalks, I put the plates in the oven to warm for a few moments, then when the time came I set about preparing the main course.

I placed the potatoes and asparagus on the plate then presented a swirl time pattern of three medium rare lamb rack-cutlets and poured over the sauce making certain to scatter a generous number of freshly prepared redcurrants along with it! Then using oven gloves I served the second course and we reassumed our conversation.

So what happened then, didn’t your legal team mention your neurological condition if I’d have known I could have spoken up, “Did your Doctor speak up by any chance?

“He did, however her legal team convinced the court my condition was not so bad, and I suppose being stubborn and not wanting to admit I could no longer do my job as a Geometry Teacher I unintentionally fell into my own trap!

“Yes, well if you want me to give you any medical assistance when it comes to going to court, I’m more than willing to meet with your Solicitor! He replied altruistically.

Of course! I replied, I’ll give you a photocopy of the letter it has my Solicitor’s phone number on it since obviously he sent it to me by means of reply!

He drank another glass of Merlot and I water then we talked of our school days so to speak then after I considered the meal had been sufficiently digested I explained that I was going to hot up the chocolate puddings then I would get the letter for him to check whilst I prepared the custard!

Sounds fool proof! He smiled watching me with concern as I went and placed two dariole moulds containing the chocolate puddings in the oven to hot up whilst I went to get the letter, It was in the computer room and before leaving having taken it off the desk I studied the problematic Geometry patterns done simultaneously knowing that the solution was not so far away!

Here we are! I said handing it to him on my return; he studied it meticulously whilst I went to make the custard!

The letter explained that my ex-wife wanted payment increased and that her and her boyfriend were going on holiday to Italy and that they hoped to have the matter resolved when they got back! (Sic)

From a packet! He announced in mock indignation!

It’s school custard! I exclaimed, “You don’t mess with tradition”

When the puddings were sufficiently heated through I took them out using oven gloves placing them on plates then scattered round a small bowl of summer fruits I had prepared early and kept in the fridge placing a few round the edges of the plate for decoration before placing the custard in a white sauce boat for self serving!

I waited till he had poured over the custard then announced that I had to go into the village later this evening to pick up some stationary, “It’s for the new term, it’s not far I’ll contact you if I need assistance!

I can come with you if you like?! He confirmed if you’re worried about this affecting your case-!

“That’s very kind of you; however I need to continue to gain confidence although I will call you if I need assistance!

After the dessert he drank some more Sancerre Rouge I settled for one glass so as not to exceed the drink driving limit then we ate a selection of cheeses such as Cheddar Brie and Cashel Blue with biscuits, I declined Port though persuaded him to have a glass if he so chose! He did so then we drank a glass of water each talked some more then I heard him exclaim he was feeling somewhat tired!

Long journey! I exclaimed fresh country air does that, also gives you an appetite as we both can vouch!

I showed him to his room the time now 8:42 I waited till he had closed the door for privacy then went into the computer room and sat at the computer screen and studied the shapes before inserting them into the open box first the two large squares that fitted flat then the four rectangles I separated into eight in a square on to equally of two then the four smaller rectangles in a circle inside each geometric procedure as if spiral then the small squares on top so I had two geometry patterns then I deleted the program. All lessons need sometimes to be explained and so I will Endeavour to do so.

The previous night I had invited my wife and her boyfriend for lunch to discuss legal matters, I had made myself sound very concerned indicating that they had me where they wanted me so to speak, They were both very eager him more so no doubt because of his financial position in the city if you follow my insinuation! They had arrived by train and I had stated they could both stay the night in one of the spare rooms as my guest was doing now though my intention for them was far different ;

I prepared a light meal of Mushroom soup and fruit for dessert, yet the mushrooms they ate were poisonous and fatal where as mine though looked the same was made with the non poisonous variety, I watched them die immediately then faced with the problem of how to dispose of the bodies I went about it thus using the computer and my skills as a Geometry Teacher as a blueprint! First I took the bodies into the first floor shower room then I removed all their clothing and bunt it in the school incinerator, I then took an axe from the tool shed and set about one at a time starting with my wife, first I decapitated her in the shower allowing the water to wash the blood away, I waited until it was complete using the shower to help me wash out the inside by propping up the headless corpse so the water flowed into it,. Then I dismembered the arms and the legs cutting them in half which in geometry is either inventive or dishonest then I cut off the hands and feet so it resembled the computer drawings, I then put the pieces into appropriate sized bags used for miscellaneous purposes and did the same with her boyfriend, “I did get wet and bloody although I bunt my clothes the previous night also and showered to remove any traces of blood, then whilst the I took the body parts and placed them in the back of my car which was large enough with sufficient room in the back to do so, then I got in and drove to the bridge, I stopped half way across the bridge, got out and hauled over the pieces in the order they came first the heads then the torsos then finally the rest in a third sack of two so there were three sacks in all and I waited till they had sunk without trace, Then feeling slightly giddy although I put it down to nerves I began to drive back to the University, It would soon become clear my wife and her lover had no doubt decided to flee the country for some dubious purpose as it was rumored his dealings in the city were not entirely honourable,

Now it was time for me to take control of the situation and to discover what was to take shape!

THE END