The Deconstructing Man

I want to tell you all about my husband. How he acts, what he’s like, his good points as well as his bad ones. I want to tell you the things I like about him and the things I don’t! I’m doing all this because when I say this is all about him it is not entirely true, because this is also about me! My home, my friends, my hopes my ambitions and most of all, this is about you!” “Yes you reading this right now.” whoever you are, wherever you may be this is of concern to you, because what is happening to me will happen to you unless a solution can be found. He will change us all, perhaps beyond recognition. He may have done so already, this could be one of his tests, so I will use my intelligence, even though to him we are all insignificant!

A few months ago my husband Charles was working as a computer software analyst for a large company, along with his best friend Collin who is black. Collin is married to Sandra a thirty year old black woman who is a Geneticist with her hair in half ringlets, an attractive figure with a good back posture and the ability to be more English than the rest of us, liking Sunday lunch traditional and using the word bloody in all most every sentence. Collin is shorter and looks like one of those chaps who wears a dinner suit and bow tie whilst playing in a jazz and blues band. He has short hair and is very approachable; their relationship is she wears the trousers, or he lets her think so, I have heard him and my husband laughing together at this quotation when they think we are not watching. I have a feeling I know what it is about, and yet I had no sense of what was about to occur.

It had been an excellent dinner, we had Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding followed by a steamed sticky toffee pudding with homemade toffee sauce custard instead of ice cream, because Sandra is English not European! We had tea, and about 11.0 they affectionately said goodbye to us. when they had driven off with Sandra at the wheel of their car we began to tidy up.

Whilst I was busy in the Dining Room, my husband Charles took the cups into the kitchen to be washed up along with the rest of the crockery. It was then I heard a noise, instantly knowing he had broken a cup I went to confirm this and was proved right! Yet any annoyance I might have had was replaced by the fact he was on his knees, and appeared at first to be trying to put it back together, without the help of anything as if expecting the pieces to slot back in. He was unaware of me as I watched him pick up two pieces at a time and try to fix them together, then he began to smell the cup and even began to put a piece in his mouth, to say I was becoming afraid was an understatement, I know my husband’s sense of humour and I can assure you this was not it! in fact I began to think this was not my husband at all, or at least if it was, it would not be for very long.

I must have stood there engulfed by this scene for at least three minutes, in that time I began to think my imagination was becoming out of control, because the floor I was on did not feel like linoleum. it actually felt like enamel, the same enamel of the blue cup my husband was now spitting on and trying to mold gently, as if it was still in the clay process. It was at that moment I became concerned that one of us was in danger of losing our mind; Deciding to take control by gently helping him up, with my arm around his shoulder, I kissed his face in concern and muttered, “Charles, we have to go to bed.” “You have to go to work in the morning!” “Come on, you’re tired you get some rest, I’ll tidy this up.”

He answered me. Well when I say he answered me, he muttered something high-pitched, yet it was words, though none I’d ever recognized!

I helped him into the bedroom and allowed him to sleep on the bed in his clothes. He did so instantly. and incase of any mishaps, I decided to go and clean up the mess in the kitchen that appeared to be getting warmer, or was it my reaction to stress? It was whilst putting the pieces of the cup in the bin that I felt something slushy on my hand, a piece of the cup still blue was now soft and wet, it had become clay, I studied it with my fingers outspread in a similar way he had done, and yet I had no idea what was occurring! And he knew everything.

I did not mention this to anyone, well what would have been the point? First of all I did not believe it myself and secondly unusual occurrences do not change things, or so I thought, because over the past few weeks things did begin to change and I was not the only one to notice!

Although I had been worried about Charles, because I believed like my Father who died at ninety six, he was indeed suffering from the beginnings of alzheimer's, he showed no signs of continuing the way he had previously on that night. In fact he even inquired to me why we were a cup missing and even blamed our guests! I did not explain, instead I said I did not know, which I suppose in it's own way was the truth! However I did watch him carefully to see if anything unusual did occur; it did,

The first thing was his improvement at work, usually he did what any software analyst does, and yet one day his boss came in and saw him writing a different program, to the type he was usually assigned too! It was lunch time, and Collin who does the same work, had gone off because my husband had said he was tired and wanted to be left alone. Collin was empathic and so he did not take offense. According to his boss Mr. Jefferson, whom we knew on a respectful social level, my husband had been writing the program whilst staring into space,, and according to Mr.Jefferson whom was not drunk, my husband's eyes seemed at one point to have become black dots like parts of the galaxy without stars! Although when his boss told me this when we met in the shopping centre, he had tried making it sound like a joke, and yet by the look on his face I could tell he was afraid! I did not tell him about the cup, although now I wish In had, because as events became stranger they also became discontented.

“Well it’s very nice to meet you Mrs. Carstairs, he announced shaking my hand, it was then he preceded to open his blue briefcase and give me the computer print out of my husband’s software program. I think he somehow knew what it might be, and so did I! Because we are all connected to this in many different ways and theories, and that despite being an educated and very intelligent man he knew the situation that was occurring deemed us all primitive!

I thanked him, I then made some joke about having it framed and he laughed whilst I placed it in my shopping bag and proceeded to walk home because my husband had the car to work as usual. This however was not a problem because I enjoyed walking to the shops, I particularly enjoyed the surroundings, the familiarity and security that had become part of our everyday routine, the things that keeps us all in existence, the constant situation deemed in so many ways as life! Yet when you think of it what was life, what did it mean and why did the software print out I now held in my hand look so familiar?

Well when I say familiar I mean in the sense of memory rather than knowledge, perhaps both inherited and conscious! I also knew it was of the kind similar to that which Sandra worked on in her job as a geneticist! For when I had visited her at her place of work in the past I had seen drawings that were deemed similar, yet I still needed to be certain. This was not however the only thing that seemed debatable, for when I arrived home it also appeared to me that the house was different, There was no outward physical change and yet when I touched the walls they seemed to be thin, as if there were no inner substance and when I pressed it cracked, it went in slightly and I feared I would fall through into another world ,one I was curious of and yet was afraid to learn more of!

There are no real explanations to things we do not understand so please do not ask me to explain what I do not know, If to be ambiguous is to be agnostic then I am both. I listened to the walls I listened to sounds, sounds that were words he had made, and I froze incase they heard me or perhaps they always had, and yet I needed to be certain of one thing, so I phoned Sandra and told her I was concerned, “It’s Charles I told her, he’s done a software drawing, can I fax it to you, it looks familiar?

Yes of course!

I was uncertain this would work because there were changes occuring in the house, tiny subtle changes involving the structures that it will at this moment take too long to explain. However I faxed it and Sandra phoned me to say that she had received my fax at work, no doubt in her white coat. She was interested I could picture her studying it and then I heard her reply, Emma, does Charles know anything about biology?

I. I don’t know I replied, why?

“Because this is a complete DNA print out of the human body, and yet there are things around it I don’t understand!” “Can I come and see you, I feel afraid something is about to happen, I think you do too!

“Yes, Yes of course I said, trying to listen incase the walls did something, I’ll wait here can you come now, I mean is it alright, I know you’re the boss more or less-!

“Emma, don’t worry I’m coming!”

The phone clicked out of existence, and yet I held onto mine, for a few more moments till I felt certain it was safe to replace, and yet all this illogic was the only thing keeping me secure because it was all you and I had ever had!

When Sandra arrived she embraced me and instantly commented on the structure of the house, “It seems thin, she said, the walls they seem to have shadows behind them if you look closely they appear to be moving and the floor it feels as if it will give way, am I going mad?” She inquired still embracing me with a smile then added: I bloody hope not!

She was right, the walls had what looked like globular shapes, some with what can only be described as long tentacles and yet somehow I knew they were all connected! I must have became mesmerised because Sandra had to forcibly propel me by the arm and lead me into my own dining room;

She then began to explain to me that the software was DNA code, she told me it was at first glance basic, yet on further observation there appeared to be more educated developments, for it not only explained the structure of the human DNA it explained the DNA of the DNA of the DNA of the DNA?

“And do you know this because of your work?” I inquired, trying to gain some clarity to the situation.

“In someways yes, she said, and then after a pause conceded!” “And because he told me, can’t you hear his voice?”

“No, I said, for I could not! Then, as if territorial, though not wanting to diminish our friendship I inquired:

“Why is he telling you instead of me, after all I am his wife?” I had said this with a sense of esoteric knowledge, somehow knowing and yet not fully understanding why!

“Because I’m not certain if it is your husband, She replied with the same level of intelligence, something is happening Emma; Collin told me he believed that Charles had lost all apparent interest when last he saw him! Collin also said that he seemed tired at work, all he appeared to do was study, or perhaps a better word would be deconstruct!

“She took my hand! “Feel the wall, “She made me” When Charles and my husband return we need to talk to whatever it is, let it understand we are intelligent!

And what if it disagrees? I inquired.

I do not know what then? She replied.

We had tea to be civilized because we needed to hold onto what we assumed to be our existence and yet now the walls had changed colour from yellow to green, and I wondered what next would occur?

Sandra watched the globular shapes now separating and reforming in different patterns, she got up at one point and began to walk towards them, their shapes seen through the thin walls like shadows behind a screen.

Then she turned to me and muttered the the word;

“Universes”

At first I thought it was a mistake, however I could sense a knowledgeable presence telling me the statement was accurate as if it was indeed trying to communicate with me, the same way it was communicating with Sandra and my husband that he possessed.

I turned to Sandra, believing that as official interpreter it would allow her to clarify:

“There is a scientific theory that there are many Universes, and ours is one born of many! It is therefore believed that this first universe if discovered would be the key to all knowledge, the answer to how everything was created or came into existence, “As you and I believe!”

“And of course like all of us this thing is uncertain?” I inquired, staring at the walls,

Then a question occurred to me,”Why hasn't anyone noticed this situation?” I inquired out loud, now making my way to the door as if hoping to seek help as well as a solution.

Sandra followed me as I made my way down the passage that had in no way altered, then she waited as I turned the door hnadle, feeling its squelchyness like the cup that had turned into clay, however it was still firm enough to open and I stared at the people and everyday traffic. Although I did not call out it was clear they could not see me! I knew this because when they looked in the direction of the house that had appeared recognisably thin, they did not seem to notice. When I looked at Sandra and inquired what was occurring?

She explained that there is a theory of universes living within universes, and that perhaps somehow we were now existing in some manufactured hole, known as an Einstein Rosen bridge, one that could look out at other worlds around it but not be seen, sort of like oneway glass; She concluded.

“It seems this is or always has been the main structure of communication, or rather a starting point for explanations to follow!” Exclaimed Sandra.

“What about Collin and my husband?” I inquired.

Sandra clenched my arm as if to confirm her point and stated:

“If we watch we can see them return, notice how this universe interacts differently as it travels through;

She checked her watch, and concluded that they should be home soon, “We'll wait for them; She stated,

What followed was indeed strange, as I saw my husband driving with Collin next to him, many universes of stars and shapes seemed to pass through, like multiple scenes admired from a car window, as if it was somehow Kaleidoscopic. Each piece indicated a different universe! However it was clear that like the people walking by and everything else, they were oblivious to the facts, until he explained what he wanted us to know!”

Connected to many universes, focused on the one that had been perhaps replicated, “A more appropriate word under the circumstance than created.” My husband led the way controlled by The Deconstructing Man, as I will refer to him, followed by Collin looking cheerfully oblivious to the situation as usual!” My husband allowed him to enter and yet I knew the thing was not, for The Deconstructing Man had come merely to discover, he had started with the cup, though I believe in other times it had been a different object, perhaps even alive, though what was life to The Deconstructing Man, and why had he been so long without finding the answer?”

The Deconstructing man, studied Collin whom greeted me via a kiss on the face, and I, if not he, noticed the look on Collin’s face when the walls turned from green to white, whilst shadows of cells crawled inside as if trying to break through! Instinctively Collin turned to his wife for an explanation, it would seem she was closest to explaining what we all wanted to know, even though all had been revealed, or as much as The Deconstructing Man wanted us to know!

“Who are you? I inquired, why are you here?”

“I do not know, all I know is I have come to learn!”

“To learn what?”

“When I first took control of your husband’s mind I was intrigued by its complexity, then as I saw deeper within, I deconstructed, not in physical but in thought, I learned how the human body was formed, I learnt of cells that made up the body, I learnt of their world, for there is life within life, each working together, each with their own culture, I can see you as you really are, I can see how you are made, I know how each cell of anything is formed, I study this and I learn, I become one by adapting my molecules, I change the molecular structure of your house to communicate so you understand me and why I am here! And yet each cell that I deconstruct, each world within a world where species communicate, where planets exist within to create or to be within and stay created! I understand, although I want my learning to be complete!

Why?

“So I can learn how it all began, what was the cell that created it all? Why does it exist without?. or as you may inquire “Is there a God?” I do not know why I must learn,, or should that be continue to gather that which is deemed knowledge!”! For then we shall all know the truth of how the universe came into being! And yet I feel somehow I already know, however for some reason that knowledge needs to continuously be renewed until the true answer is discovered!

At that point The Deconstructing man made the walls disperse, we watched whilst cells crawled like bees amongst a queen, they were the building blocks of the universe and that was why he had come to study us, for wherever he had come from, whatever reason there was for him to be here. He knew we were considered to be the dominant species, and so we watched as he began the deconstructing of a small universe, in parts that was our own! And all the time I studied my husband, to see if he was still there!

Time past and we became aware of the tedium that faced him. For the more he learned the more things became academic. To go from universe to universe, from item to item gave no answer to his questions. And then it seemed he had one, for around us things began to cease, all we saw of worlds, of planets of cells that were like bees glowing orange neon, all were being killed for the answer had to be found! And when I turned away to look at Sandra I saw she was alone, for where her husband had been there now stood what could only be described as cells, of carbon, of magnesium, of oxygen, swirling as a mass of water in whirlpool similarity, Sandra did not scream, instead She took my arm and pulled me outside whilst the Deconstructing Man continued to dispense in hope of finding the answer, He was unaware it seemed of our attempt to escape!

“We have to get out of here” she whispered, we can’t let it achieve what it wants we know now why it is here!

“What about Collin? What about my husband?

“Emma, we have no bloody choice that thing is going to kill us all, can’t you understand that?”

“So what do we do, where do we go? If it is as powerful as it seems, if it is a higher form of Intelligence, one that learns and with each learning dismisses that it comes in contact with as dispensable, then nothing can stop it!

Yet Sandra was convinced we could still escape within our world, and yet when she opened the door of my house there was nothing except a blackened galaxy and no answer yet found.

“Where are you going too?” Inquired the Deconstructing man, I will find out the answer, I will not let you or anything stop me discovering how I came to be, for I know I am an important element within the beginning of time!

We knew there was no choice but to return, and so we walked, this time along changing structures of planets, beings and forms all before and then before that, And now it seemed that in-front of our very eyes the deconstruction of the universe was taking place!

Yet for what purpose? Was not the Deconstructing Man part of the very thing he wanted to remove? Was he not part of all of us? I therefore inquired:

“Why do you want to know all this?”

“To know why I exist?”

“Why do you want to exist?” Inquired Sandra, now understanding what was taking place.

“To live, to learn,, to belong!”

“And yet if you continue to deconstruct what will there be for you, who will comfort you, who will show you how you belong?”

Do I belong? Inquired the Deconstructing Man, Do you not want to know why you exist? Are you not as curious as I am, for I can remember when there was only swirling masses of gas, I can remember the first signs that became what you acll the building blocks of life, however I do not know why I am here, or what was my purpose within the realms of creation, and whether this is all random or the work of God!

“Maybe you are God?: Inquired Sandra, if you were the first thing that ever existed?

“I am not God, if I was God I would have all the answers!”

“Instead you proceed to learn, in order to discover why, something we all are seeking the answer too!

Outside as if in small containers, elements of existence were being formed, cells were growing, gasses were forming, I watched in astonishment, knowing that life was being not created but somehow renewed before my very eyes, for this being was indeed perhaps the very building block of us all, and why would it not possess great intelligence, if it did not how would anything have achieved the knowledge it needs to survive?

“I want my husband back, I said, and my friend want's her husband back as well, I understand what you are trying to do but you yourself have admitted you do not yet fully know the answer! I do believe however that you plan to return things the way they were, after that answer is discovered, but what if it never comes? What if the answer eludes you as it has eluded all others? “Do you know if you are the only one of your kind? “Do you really know if you are the first of your species?”

“I have always questioned that thought, and I believe I am not!”

“Have you never met any of your kind?” Inquired Sandra.

“Perhaps at one time, although I cannot remember!” said The Deconstructing Man.

“And are you alone?” I inquired.

“Though I am one with the universe, like all beings I sometimes feel alone!”

“Then you must understand that neither of us, nor anyone wants to be alone, we would like our husband's returned to us, please, if you can empathise as well as understand!

“I do, and therefore I will continue elsewhere to discover the truth, and return your husbands to you!”

And with that the cells in the shape of Collin became Collin again and yet the Deconstructing man was not without a feeling of disappointment,

“You do not want to know?” he inquired, you are content in your primitive ignorance?

“I am not content, not even fully in my world, none of us are, yet all the things I have, my home, my family my friends they are all I want at the moment.”

I could see the understanding returning to my husband’s eyes, as I took his hand and muttered, “I love you!”

The Deconstructing man studied me and slowly he began to confirm his understanding, for just as the universe was infinitesimal it was also multiple, not only of planets but of individuals, and the more I said it the more things came back into shape, and the more my husband began to return, for the Deconstructing man knew we were all in someway part of how it had began! And as things slowly began to return to the way they were, very soon my husband was able to inquire: “Where am I?” and smiling I replied, “Where you have always been.” and I clenched his hand, for we were as one.

The Deconstructing man continued to seek answers in some far distant universe , for now no longer in our presence we were more aware, and yet still I hope he understands the meaning of belonging as we all must!

The End